Sambandam: Women as Utility?

Here is a story that set me thinking about some women in Kerala in the near past.

There was a paragraph from the post and a related quote from the book which set me thinking of a similiar mechanism among the Nambudiri Brahmins in Kerala. I quote the relevant lines here:

It is about a 'caste' called the handmaid. She has only a reproductive function in society. And she sent from family to family to procreate. And, in this society there is only one way left to procreate - the natural way. There is a brilliant bit where the central character, Offred, describes the process of reproducing:

My red skirt is hitched up to my waist though no higher. Below it the Commander is fucking. What he is fucking is the lower part of my body. I do not say making love, because this is not what he's doing. Copulating too would be inaccurate, because it would imply two people and only one is involved. Nor does rape cover it: nothing is going on here that I haven't signed up for.

Some years back, there was this rampant custom among the Nambudiri Brahmins who would associate(sexually) with a woman of a lower caste(mostly Nairs/Menons), this was called sambandham. The institution of marriage/association at that time caled 'Veli' allowed a Nambudiri to have multiple sambandhams. Most of the 'women' in sambandham were 13 year old girls, whereas the Nambudiri himself would be, in some cases, more than 60 years of age. I always consider this an institutionalized rape, but I never think the girls would have thought that it was rape.

They would have considered themselves to be lucky to be fucked by a Nambudiri. While being drawn into the contract of sambandham they would know what exactly is in store for them. The subtler part here is whether the girl would have had an opinion of NOT associating with a Nambudiri, if there was such a girl then I would consider her to be raped by the customs. However the general rule in those times was that a girl never has the rights to her life and that the KEY to her life is in associating with a man. Man's 'power' is her source of protection. So I "guess" almost all of the girls would have volunteered to be associated with a Nambudiri.(This is a guess, i cannot support this with statistics)

When I used to hear such stories from my mom about such customs, I would just imagine how the sexual part between a 13 year old lean girl and a 60 year old (fat) man would be. One has just to change the words in the book and instead of travelling forward into time to view a handmaid you can travel backwards and view a girls mind in Sambandham.

My red 'pawada' (skirt) is hitched up to my waist though no higher. Below it the Nambudiri(Commander) is associating(fucking). He is associating with me physically as a matter of divinity(What he is fucking is the lower part of my body). Eventhough I don't feel anything; I am supposed to be blessed by this association and therefore I should feel happy.This is what I expected when I associated with him.(I do not say making love, because this is not what he's doing. Copulating too would be inaccurate, because it would imply two people and only one is involved. Nor does rape cover it: nothing is going on here that I haven't signed up for.)

I used to hear some old tales(puranas) from my Grandma. From whatever little of what i know about the Puranas I dont think anywhere there was a woman treated like someone in sambandham; this sytem was not mentioned anywhere. Though women were considered lower to men in making choices, even in the ranks of the gods and godesses, they were always considered to be powerful and could make some, if not all, choices. For example Gandhari, Kunti in Mahabharat. Sita in Ramayana. They were power houses and were very well respected(even now). I consider the Krishna devotee Meera also to be a woman of independent choice and also very powerful.

One knows what is the status of women in the present and in the near past. But what was the status of women, during the time of say Ashoka the great? If they were treated with respect and had the right to take decisions and make independednt choices, then we have a BIG question in our hands.

What made Indian society change from one that respects women as its members to one that uses women as a utility.

The answer to this question will be something that will have a cure in it for the present society.

Notes :

1) Eventhough I have used terms like Nambudiri/Nair/Menon etc etc I do not mean EVERY ONE of that society. I mean to address only those members of the society who participated in this crime.

2) I am an atheist and I do not hold any beliefs whatsoever, and this article is more of a philosophical review of the historical section of a society; i.e i have tried to analyse the beliefs and understandings commonly held in the society at that time (something we call culture)

3) I have tried to extrapolate the lesson from one particular custom into a question that we should all, as Indians, ask ourselves. One can find counter examples, but it would be surprising to if one comes up with something like "Women are respected all over India"! or "Women are not viewed as objects in India"!, Note that these allegations that I make are directed to the mass, and the counter examples that one would be finding are mostly exceptions.

4) This is NOT a part of the Blog-a-thon! It is a very old post and i did not intend to write this as a response to the Blog-a-thon call.